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AITA: Am I the Asshole?


One of Reddit’s most popular subreddits, r/AmItheAsshole https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/ describes its purpose: “A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you.”

Someone I love and respect is NOT a fan of this blog. They think it’s making fun of men and is just plain mean. They point out that saying “This is not a mean girl site” doesn’t actually prevent it from being just that. They also think that looking for much younger women is a personal preference that shouldn’t make the bachelor a target. These bachelors posted their photos and words on dating sites; they didn’t agree to have them shared elsewhere.

49% of me agrees with all of the above. But the other 51% believes it’s just “turning the phone around”. I love how when young women are catcalled on the street or subway these days they just turn their phone around and start live-streaming: “What did you say about my tits, sir? Excuse me, you’re my father’s age? What did you say?”

I’ve really struggled with this AITA dilemma. I was raised in the South so I could teach a master class in playing nice– after all, “boys will be boys”. But that translates to 55+ years of saying “why bless his heart” while thinking “are you fuckin’ kidding me?” It might be germane to mention that a LOT of inappropriate, skeezy, and downright scary stuff happens to ladyfolks who play by those rules. Hence this blog: I finally decided not to play anymore.

Still, the question bothers me. We can all endlessly justify our bad behavior with rationalizations. So… AITA?

In your top level comment be sure to include one abbreviation for your judgment, i.e.

YTA = You’re the Asshole

NTA = Not the Asshole

ESH = Everyone Sucks here

NAH = No Assholes here

INFO = Not Enough Info